After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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