he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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