god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
