Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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