look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
