so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
