if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize