pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
