i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize