D3 body, D1 cock
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
