Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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