so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
