Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
