he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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