Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
