My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your penis caused this!
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