You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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