Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
