Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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