is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
