hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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