My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
