ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
