Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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