Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
