Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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