I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
