he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
