My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
