i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
