I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
