okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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