Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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