In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize