is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize