suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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