i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
