dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
