shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
