You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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