Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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