from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
