Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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