i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
