i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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