I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
