the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
