this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
