oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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