# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
