my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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