Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
