so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
