i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
