im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
