So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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