She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
