why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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