And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
