all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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