85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
