I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
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