I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
