the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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