The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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