allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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